Dear Diary Lavender
by Miss Rhapsody
Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...
1. Entry One

**Title: **Dear Diary (Lavender)****

**Author: **Rhapsody****

Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story is real events (some recent, some not) . It was inspired by the lovely Jessi Rose. She has a companion story, called Dear Diary (Ginny) which can be found under my Favorite Authors page. I give her credit for the idea behind the Dear Diary theme. This entry coincides with Jessi's entry four.

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A blond girl in pink robes sat on her bed the cool autumn evening, a book open in front of her. She had a quill in her right hand and was sucking the end of the purple feather. It was not an unusual situation for her to do so. Especially lately...

_Dear Diary,_

_It's funny how life works sometimes. I remember when I was little. People used to tell me I could do anything if I set my mind to it. I listened to them, and now I feel a fool for ever believing such crap. When one is feeling alone it becomes harder to trust others. Even those who are closest to you. Or in my case were closest._

_I guess I should start from the beginning of the story. It was last term when it all happened, when my whole world fell apart, when I got raped. He was a sixth year at the time, now he's a seventh year. He's a Hufflepuff, just like Padma. Poor girl, I pity her for having to spend time with him. She's on the quidditch team with him._

Lavender sighed and set down the pen staring at the ceiling. Tears were welling up in her eyes. Silently they rolled down her cheeks. She closed her eyes.

_I wish I could run away from it all but I can't. I waited too long to tell anyone, so he's still at Hogwarts. I reported it to McGonnagal but there's nothing she can do. I have to look at him every day in the halls. It makes me go mad. I start crying and pitching a fit. Not that I can help it, it's just another burden I must bear. _

_The world is so unfair. But there's nothing I can do about it complaining will get me nowhere and I have no one left to comfort me..._

_Parvati left me. She began ignoring me when I got sick and had to stay in the hospital wing. It was because of *him* that I was sick. But she ignored me. She started to avoid me and we stopped sharing a trunk. She doesn't sleep in our dorm anymore, she is staying with Ginny. _

_She got mad at me in the first place because of Ginny. It was my birthday and Parvati threw a party for me in the common room and we were playing spin the bottle. Ginny and I had a pretty good snog. And after that Parvati threw a fit. I started talking to her sister more often after that. Padma understood what had happened to me._

_Parvati told Cypris about what I'd supposedly done to her. All I gleamed from the conversation was that I had wronged Parvati by "relying on her". I spent the next three days in bed crying. I feel so alone. _

Lavender lied back in her bed, with her head resting lightly on her pillow. She tugged on a strand of hair that kept falling in her face. She sighed and sat up again, continuing to write.

_ I've come to the conclusion that I should have been in Slytherin. I've found that since Parvati left me, they are all I have. My family has always been associated with purebloods. It doesn't seem unreasonable that I would be friends with them. My fellow Gryffindors don't get along with them too well, especially lately. _

_I began spending more and more time with Crabbe. Him and Goyle spend loads of time together, but when he's free I usually find time for him. Goyle has been a bit preoccupied with his girlfriend Pansy. I've known her since we were both eight years old, and she's always there for me._

_It's funny how I'm coping with all of my grievances. I busy myself with school work and people. All of my remaining time seems to be occupied by Cypris. She and I have gotten really close since school started. Blaise and Nott have been there for me too, but sometimes one needs a female companion. She's wonderful just to talk to, or to have a snog with. Me and Parvati used to do that, but it was always awkward. It's never like that with Cypris..._

Lavender heard the door to the dormitory open and Ginny walked in. She was glowing with happiness but had a troubled look in her eyes. Lavender quickly shut the diary and shoved it into her trunk. Parvati entered the room soon after. Lavender quickly got up and left the dormitory and the two girls to their fancies. She left Gryffindor tower to walk the halls, alone...


	2. Entry Two

**Title: **Dear Diary (Lavender)****

**Author: **Rhapsody****

Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story is real events (some recent, some not) . It was inspired by the lovely Jessi Rose. She has a companion story, called Dear Diary (Ginny) which can be found here:   I give her credit for the idea behind the Dear Diary theme.

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Lavender sat in Transfiguration class. She sat on opposite sides of the room from Parvati but kept glancing at her. Parvati never looked back. After class Lavender left promptly, to avoid confrontation with the girl. She walked back to Gryffindor tower, to seek solace in her bed, and briefly talked to Ginny. She plopped down on her bed and took her diary out of her trunk.

_Dear Diary,_

_I hate people. They are the bane of my existence. If I could I'd go and live in a hole, like a hobbit, and never come out. That would truly make me happy._

She stopped writing as an owl flew into her window. She took the bit of parchment from the owl and read it quickly. It told her to meet Draco out on the grounds. She shut her diary and made the journey to the grounds. She saw him standing near her favorite tree. He greeted her and she sat down against the tree. She opened up her diary again and finished writing. Draco just sat down next to her and waited, he was used to Lavender doing this.

_So maybe not all people are bad. But I still can't help wishing they would all just go away sometimes. Draco wanted me to see him, he's sitting here now. I love him, not romantically, but I love having him around. He's been in love with me since 3rd year so he'll do anything for me. He actually listens._

_It's amusing the views people have of him. He's actually very compassionate, he just comes off as an asshole. Maybe my view is biased. He and Goyle never actually got along. Goyle hates him with a passion. Of course Goyle has a hell of a lot of opinions. Apparently the only reason he never says anything is the theory that "it's better to remain silent and appear stupid, then to say something and remove all doubt"._

She set down her quill in the grass, which was covered in leaves, and shut the book. She looked up at Draco who was just sitting there patiently. They talked for nearly an hour before he walked her to the library to do homework. Before she did her homework she returned to her diary to finish the entry.

It's funny how I distract myself. I have these huge problems hovering over my head like an enormous dark cloud and I ignore them. I fill all of my time so I don't have to think about them...

_I saw *him* again today. It was hell. I talked to McGonnagal again today. She couldn't do anything. Why won't he just leave me alone! It wouldn't be so bad if I had Parvati. She acts as if I'm the bane of her existence. I miss her so much. But I promised not to talk to her, so there's no way of me telling her that. Once again I feel alone. My moods have been changing every ten seconds lately. I hate it!_

Lavender took out some parchment and her History of Magic book. She had a load of homework for the class, four pages to read and take notes on. Not to mention the potions test she had the next day. She dipped her quill in her pot of black ink and began taking notes.


	3. Entry Three

**Title: **Dear Diary (Lavender)****

**Author: **Rhapsody****

Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story is real events (some recent, some not) . It was inspired by the lovely Jessi Rose. She has a companion story, called Dear Diary (Ginny) which can be found here:    I give her credit for the idea behind the Dear Diary theme.

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Lavender sat in the window sill in the girl's dormitory. She looked outside at the snow falling lightly onto the ground. She looked over to her bed. Her diary lay upon it, flipped open to a blank page. She knew she needed to write; that she'd feel better once she let the feelings out, but something stopped her. She leaned her head against the cold stone and thought.

So much sadness. So much utter sorrow. I feel a pain that burns down to my soul. I look at the world around me and I want to die, but I know I can't. There are too many people that want me here. If I died I'd be betraying them. When you're short on friends you shouldn't betray the ones you have, even in your death.

_I'm surrounded by people but I feel so alone. I talk to Ginny, almost in secret so Parvati doesn't find out, but all she talks about is her love. It only makes me feel more alone. Cypris and I had a row too. I'm so irritable lately everything makes me depressed. Blaise and I actually talked yesterday. He never actually talks about anything that seems serious, it's always very light hearted and cheerful. That makes me a bit happier. _

_I was in the hospital wing the last two weeks: I've been spending most of my time lately reading and sleeping, two good escapes. When I sleep I can dream of a perfect world, a world without pain, a world without obligation, a world without people. Being alone seems to be my only desire now. To be alone and at peace. _

_I read the news today, oh boy. _

She laughed lackadaisically.

Daily Prophet says the war will go on. Fudge wishes to seek help from the muggles. Dumbledore apparently doesn't like the idea. I don't care. I just want this war to be over with. I want to feel safe again. In school and out of it. Isn't there anywhere that's at peace? Isn't there anywhere where I can be happy?

She looked out the window at the falling snow. It was three weeks until the winter holidays. The snow blanketed the ground and covered the branches of trees. Lavender sighed and got up out of the window sill. She was cold. She climbed back in bed and pulled a blanket around herself.

I guess it's no use prolonging it. I hate writing about things that are bad. Why would anyone wish to read about terrible things? I guess people have an obsession with evil, an obsession with sorrow and pain. I don't like reading my old diaries if they are filled with sadness. I remember my diary from first year. It was so happy...

She sat up and took up the partially blank book and quill. Smiling meekly to herself she began to write her thoughts.

_Dear Diary..._


	4. Entry Four

**Title: **Dear Diary (Lavender)****

**Author: **Rhapsody****

Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story is real events (some recent, some not) . It was inspired by the lovely Jessi Rose. She has a companion story, called Dear Diary (Ginny) which can be found here:    I give her credit for the idea behind the Dear Diary theme.

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Lavender ran down the corridor on her way to Gryffindor tower. She had just gotten done talking with Dumbledore and Professor Lupin. She was smiling for the first time in ages. She bolted up the stairs and threw open her trunk. She soon found a little book and opened it. She wrote furiously.

_Dear Diary,_

My life has changed in a matter of seconds. Two hours ago everything was falling apart and now suddenly all of my problems have disappeared. I was caught in a trap and now I'm free. Of course not without paying a price, but it's worth it. I'm so happy to be free of all my burdens again. 

_The last two weeks were hell I was in and out of the hospital wing and my teachers were all angry, well, all except Lupin. He understands because he misses class monthly. Thus he was the only one to excuse my absences. All of my other teachers were terribly angry. Snape wanted to hang me by my hair in his dungeon. _

Lavender shuddered and shut her eyes. Her foot was tapping happily on the side of her bed. She sat on the floor. The winter sun shone into the dormitory, illuminating the red curtains on the beds and making the room look almost pink. 

_But now it's all better. I'm leaving this school. Leaving behind my friends, who have all seemingly left me anyways. Leaving behind the teachers who are annoyed with me. Leaving behind Tom Riddle and all the pain he brought me. Everything is better now. I can have time to get better, time to heal. _

_Dumbledore wanted me to transfer to Beauxbatons because they're associated with the Order. I went to Hogwarts because it was closer. But I always dreamed of going to a place like Beauxbatons. I know some people there and I think I can be happy there. some day I'll come back to Hogwarts. Maybe this term, maybe next term, Maybe when I'm a seventh year. _

She smiled as the door opened and Hermione walked in. Lavender flashed her a smile. Hermione smiled back and said hello. Hermione soon left the room again and Lavender sat alone.

It's like a ray of hope was cast down on me. I can be happy again. Even if I never patch things up with Parvati or Cypris, I can still find happiness somewhere else. It's amazing how things turn out so well after being so awful. I've grown like a flower in this school, but I'm not a potted flower like everyone else, I'm a wild flower. I need to go somewhere where my roots can spread out and I can grow.

_Although fear looms in my mind of going to a new place, I know that I can make new friends, I know I can adjust. I know I'll be happy, and even if I am not, I can always come back to Hogwarts some day. It'll be even better then, it'll be like coming home._


	5. Entry Five

**Title: **Dear Diary (Lavender)****

**Author: **Rhapsody****

Summary: Life is full of happiness and sorrow, triumphs and downfalls. This is the diary of a Gryffindor girl who is usually overlooked. Take a peak into her life...

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story is real events turned into a fanfic, everything that takes place in this fiction has or is happening in real life. It was inspired by the lovely Jessi Rose. She has a companion story, called Dear Diary (Ginny) which can be found here: I give her credit for the idea behind the Dear Diary theme. 

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Lavender sat on her bed looking at her mirror. Tears ran down her cheeks. She kept murmuring the words, "so alone..."

_Dear Diary,_

She wrote in black ink.

Here I sit, alone in my room. Something I should get used to doing. I left Hogwarts forever. It's over, I'm done. I'll never see most of them again. I guess I finally moved on, although it still stung. I finally grew up and got away.

_Now I start a new journey to a new place and I'm scared. I spend the past week with no one but Draco. The rest of them were at school. His father got him out a couple weeks early, so he spent time with me. It was one of the most wonderful and most wretched weeks of my life._

A tear fell and splashed on the page, making the ink bleed.

_Everyone is gone, all save him. They left me when I left the school. I threw a party yesterday for Christmas, most of my old friends came. But in the end it was nothing short of wretched. It was as if I was surrounded by dead people. For most of them it was probably the last time I'll see them._

_I guess they don't understand what it means for me to be leaving. Or maybe they just don't care. Today was the last day I was free, for the rest of the holidays, and no one made any attempt to see me. They're all gathering elsewhere apparently. I wasn't invited. I don't get invited anymore._

_I have two friends left, Draco and Elizabeth. But Elizabeth graduated already, so she doesn't count. I guess I was doomed after all. Doomed to be alone. Maybe I'll just stop trying to spend time with _them._ With my old friends. They obviously don't care about me._

_So away I go, to sleep. To my only escape. Not that I've been able to sleep anyways. But that doesn't matter either. Nothing matters anymore. If nobody else cares, why should I?_

She shut her eyes and tears flowed down her cheeks staining them. She inhaled the scent of her room, which was masked by that of other people. She cast a cleansing charm and suddenly it smelled of vanilla.

I gained weight.

She continued after composing herself.

I think I gained it in my chest, which just means I'll get hit on more at school now. That's the last thing I want... total strangers who don't know me, throwing themselves at me.

She began to cry again and she shut her diary. A shiver went down her spine. She flicked her wand and turned off the lights in her room and sat there, cold and alone.


End file.
